Tangerine furious at being called 'Satsuma' by thick woman

A shocked mother of two is today contemplating life behind bars after a tangerine reported her to police for a vicious verbal attack.

The young tangerine (seen with his buddies, left) claimed that Patricia Hodge, 39, referred to him as a "bloody satsuma" whilst shopping with her husband.

Police later confirmed that the incident was now considered to be a race-hate crime.

"We can't ignore something as serious as this," Det. Inspector Wadsworth explained. "We live in a society that does not tolerate this kind of racial segregation. Mrs. Hodge's remark was very non-PC and extremely thick."

The offended tangerine described how it had been abused racially, and sometimes sexually, and decided that enough was enough.

"For the past couple of weeks, I've put up with people touching me and calling me 'shitty satsuma' and 'f**king mandarin-wannabe' and, quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm a pure tangerine and proud of it. People should call me by my rightful name. I will not be subjected to these racial slurs."

When confronted by the press, Mrs. Hodge insisted that she meant no harm.

"I apologise wholeheartedly to the tangerine," she protested. "I sincerely did not realise that it was a tangerine and not a satsuma. I suppose I didn't fully consider the fruit's feelings."

There has been public outcry following the incident, calling for Mrs. Hodge to be "made an example of", though she maintains her stance that she is not a bastard racist.

"Let me just say that I am not one of those xenophobic thugs that you see on the news," she explained. "I am a hard-working mother of two and what I said was a genuine slip of the tongue. I cannot apologise enough."

Mrs. Hodge will learn her fate once the "Tangerine Race-Hate" trial, which starts tomorrow morning, finishes in approximately two weeks.

I think I speak for tangerines everywhere when I say "Fry the bitch! Fry her 'til there's foam coming out her mouth!"

"Tangerines affected by this story can call a free helpline on 0800 555666. Come on, don't suffer in silence.