Penis thief strikes again

West Yorkshire Police are today dealing with the latest in a series of penis robbery attacks.

The sixth reported victim, Joe Baxter (pictured left), was left virtually speechless and totally devastated after he was told that his nob would almost certainly never be properly recovered.

"I just want my willy back," a teary Baxter said.

Bob Willysnatchbumshag, a spokesman for West Yorkshire Police, today announced that the perpetrator known as 'The Cocknapper' was close to being caught.

"He's getting more and more desperate, and his attacks are becoming more frequent," Willysnatchbumshag said. "His cock will be around 40 inches long now, so as soon as he sees a decent pair of pins or a badass set of tits, we'll be able to snare him immediately."

Little is actually known about 'The Cocknapper' - apart from the fact that he attacks his victims for the sole purpose of stealing their penises in order to add to his own rod. Victims are left distraught, ashamed and unable to comprehend a future with no meat-cannon.

Police have issued a warning to all men in the West Yorkshire region:

"We strongly advise all men to be extremely vigilant during this dangerous time. It is of the utmost importance that everyone knows what the perpetrator looks like. He is around 6' 2", has a scar on his left cheek and is thought to be dangerous and impulsive. He also has a huge nob."