Breaking news!! Ecuador unveils new President

The people of Ecuador were in a state of consternation today as Devastatin' Dave was named as their new President, following Alfredo Palacio's surprise resignation.

Mr. Dave, 52, (pictured left) was delighted to be in charge of such a colourful country.

"I just wanna say that a-zippy-zap-zap I'm close to a heart attack," he answered when asked how he was feeling.

"I'm gonna ch-ch-ch-chill and kick-b-back-back with a motherf**king six-pack and a pipe o' crack ," he explained.

However, he quickly pointed out that the impromptu 'rhyme' was a joke (and one in bad taste considering the sixty-three field mice that died from bad crack earlier this week) and he maintained his stance that 'crack was whack'.

'The Turntable Slave', as he was known, was most famous for his anti-drugs song Zip Zap Rap, which Brian Blessed described as 'deliciously bang'.

There were concerns amidst Mr. Dave's constant rapping that he would actually be physically unable to stop his street rhyming. "We are a little concerned," said Miguel Sanchez, a government figure, "but we are confident that it will soon stop."

Mr. Dave also promised great things for the people of Ecuador in the near future. He announced that the sunglasses he donned for his unveiling had magical powers and could summon huge pigs and dancing chickens en masse. This is just considered to be typical spin but his aide is adamant of his powers.

"You better watch that Devastatin' motherf**ker when he pulls his shit outta the bag," his aide, Derrix 2 Gorgeous, commented. "You know you better be somewhere else! Pigs and chickens are just the beginning, man. Shit, we got Giant Connect 4 and flying hippos on the motherf**king way, too!"

Mr. Dave certainly seems like he's going to be a popular figure among the good people of Ecuador. However, only time will tell.

You can sample a slice of his history with his 'bang' song "Zip Zap Rap" by clicking on this goddamn crazy link - http://ttslave.ytmnd.com/