Fat sod near death after swallowing hippo

A big, fat child is today contemplating the news of his imminent death after he accidentally swallowed a hippo at the Flamingo Land theme park in North Yorkshire, England.

Tubby McTwat-Tits (pictured left, eyeing up a juicy cow) is believed to have less than 48 hours to live, according to leading science-guy, Dr. Oh Baby.

"He has swallowed something he shouldn't have," Dr. Oh Baby explained. "It's quite common, actually, for fat kids to accidentally eat large, wild animals. They can be munching on a tasty burger, suddenly lose concentration and start eating badgers, kangaroos, elephants, llamas, dragons, sharks and, in this case, hippos. It is a problem."

Tubby, 13, is understandably upset by the whole ordeal.

"It's not fair," McTwat-Tits beefed, like a little, fat girl. "I lost my concentration for a few seconds. I was minding my own business, chowing down my greasy beef, and before I knew it, I'd eaten a hippopotamus. Now I've only got a couple of days to live. It's not good."

Tubby's actual death will be an horrendous ordeal with much blood, screaming, faeces and cries of 'I love you, Mummy!'. This is mainly due to the partly digested corpse of a shit-kicking hippo coming out of Tubby's smelly bottom.

Tributes have been pouring in for the poor idiot. A few have been selected and shown below.

"You hang on in there, Tubby. My son swallowed a car once and he made it. It was only a Mini but that's still pretty big. And made of metal." Ian Wah-Wah Pedal, Falkirk.

"We'll be thinking of you when you're shitting that huge, wild animal out of your arse and it tears your anus like cheap toilet paper. You're so brave. And fat." Pat Criminal-Record, Birmingham.

"Minge." John Cackface, Liverpool.